Inverted Penile Problem.

Dear Grandma Alice,
My girlfriend, right, is totally hanging, meaning she is rough as fuck, man. Sometimes, when i look at her and that, i feel like i want to puke out all my guts until like shit starts to come out my mouth. I suspect the same thing may have happened to her, right, cos her breath always tastes like shit. Mind you, she talks a lot of shit too, so that could be it. If i were to describe my girlfriend, i would say she looked like Andrew Lloyd Webber after a fight where his head has been removed and replaced by the exact reverse of God's face, only more ugly.

Anyway, not only is she ugly, she is seethingly unsexy as well. So much so, that whenever we have sex, my penis retracts back up inside me. I mean proper like, like someone has pushed a chipolata into a splodge of plasticine and pulled it out. The hole left. Fuckin' ell. It really emasculates me, y'know. The thing is, this don't even matter, cos her clit is the fuckin' size of a chipolata anyways! She just shoves that shit up inside my reverse-cock and we both have a great time. Well, a good a time as anyone could have having their girlfriend's cock sized clitoris up inside their concave penis.

She doesn't really understand my problem. What a bitch eh? Lol. What should i do.

Yours unmanlily,
Nauseous Non-Male

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Dear Nauseous Non-Male,

To me, this sounds like a perfect arrangement. Im presuming that both you, and your girlfriend's oversized clitoris gain just as much pleasure if you were having sex the usual way. If you enjoy this, leave it as it is. However, if you want to be the one in charge for once, stick a bag on her head with a picture of someone fit you fancy and see what happens.

However, if you feel that you cannot stand even this girl' personality or anything about her, you should end th relationship, not only for yourself, but for her, too, so she can find someone who does love her, and doesn't want to bag her up when they see her.

I hope you can find something in my answer to help with your problem.

Grandma Alice